A trip down memory lane tonight. Thinking about the serious relationships in my life. Not exactly a lot of them in my life. I thought maybe I should look back on them in this post.
There was D. We went to church together. I often refer to her as the “one that got away”. She was the first person I felt attracted. But I lack the courage to pursue it. When I finally did, she had moved on. Nothing much else to say about her except to kick myself for not having the courage sooner.
There was a long break from serious relationships with anyone. Then along came A. She was the first person that I did have the courage to ask out on a date. We had a good relationship at first. It really look like it was going to go somewhere. I was even thinking about marrying her. But then things went south fast.
She went away on a trip and came back in love with someone else. Even telling me she was moving up to Alaska to be with him. Wow talk about breaking my heart. Within a month she was gone. She wanted to remind friends after that and I tried but I just couldn’t do it.
Then along came K who would be my first wife. A relationship that was doomed for divorce. We had our own selfish reasons to be together and the marriage was heading for divorce after a couple of years when those reasons no longer applied. If anything that last year of our marriage, I was looking for a reason to end it. Which she provided when she pushed me to do what she wanted.
When I came back home, I tried internet dating. Meet some weirdos doing that. But along came R. She was different in that we where not trying to hook up with each other. Just two people that talked about our day and that was it. In fact at the time we started to talk she was interested in someone else. She came over to see that person and ended up being a disaster. I thought since she was in the area that we might as well meet in person.
When we meet we both fell in love. Not that we expected to work out. After all she did live on the other side of the world and one of us would have to move to be together. Along the way there where other things that worked against us being together. But I eventually did move over there and married her. Even after that we still had rocky times but after 17 years we are still married and deeply in love with each other.
Why did I end up making a history of my relationships. When I started this post I was going to talk about one relationship then found myself thinking about my other relationships. Some of them I haven’t thought about all that much. So I decided to start at the beginning and go through them briefly. But now I wonder why me and R worked out when the rest didn’t.
Except for my first wife, I do love the people in those relationships. But love isn’t enough at times. I think love allows you to take the chance with a person. But what really cements it is being with that person and working through things together. That is what I see in my relationship. We have seen the good and bad in each other. We have been through some tough times and work together to get through them. When all is said and done I learned to trust R and that was cemented the relationship for me.
Of course my father and his memory cloudy that idea. If anything he taught me that in the right circumstances people can change. That someone who is close to you can become your worst nightmare. That is my deepest fear with R that may happen with her. That something will come along to allow that to happen. But I am not going to let that fear rule my thinking.
It is something that can happen to anyone including myself. I shouldn’t let it cloud my relationship with R. If it does come then I will deal with it the best I can. But until that happens, if it does, I am going to dwell on the deep and close relationship I have with R. Let my experiences with her be my guide not let bad experiences with other people cloud my judgement.
