I started a post about something from my childhood and ended up not finishing it. I felt like I failed at the task yet again. Part of the reason why I haven’t bothered to post anything for a few days because I did fail.
The post was about someone from my childhood that I do have fond memories about up until their death. From there the fond memories tend to be the exception. I tend to see the time after that as nothing but a string of failures.
The person that died was one person left in my life that I could count on. The one person where the word family still meant something. After that there was noone I could trust anymore and pretty much tried to deal with life the best I could on my own. of course at that age and my inexperience it did lead to a lot of failures.
I wonder though now if I was being too hard on myself. Given what I had and knew at the time that failure would happen no matter what I did. It is hard to succeed at something when you have no idea how to do it.
Maybe instead I should look at what I through as a success instead of failure. That I came through it to where I am now. Made something out of my life and achieved something that I never thought possible.
The question that comes to mind was what I have now more luck than what I did. A lot in life is about luck and coincidence, but that is part of it. Luck and confidence shape the situation, but it is still up to a person to make the choice when presented with the situation. So I have my role to play with where I have reached now.
So I should take some pride in that. That if anything being here now shows strength of character. After all I had no reason to believe this time would be any different. If anything past experience indicated to me that it would not be a good decision to make. I had the people around me telling me it was not a wise decision. But I went ahead and did it anyway because I believed it would work.
Of course that didn’t become clear until later. For the near future after I made the decision, I doubted that decision. Along the way there was things that added to that doubt. That maybe this time would be like all the other times. But along the way I learned how to make it better. That is what is success to me is making something of what I was given and making it work for me.
