I have decided to set aside one hour a day to writing. I set plenty of time aside each day to other ways of expressing myself, but not to writing. It is something that I neglect, because it is so hard for me to do.
In some ways I feel it is a time waster because it takes so long for me to write anything. Part of it is that I cannot find the right words to express my thoughts. Also when I do I am really critical of myself when I am done. Seems that I am never satisfied with the final result.
But I need to learn it go. Do it like I do my coloring. Not question what I am doing, but just do it. Have faith in myself that what I am writing will turn out good. But that begs question to me what is good to me.
That is thing I have to look at in more detail. What is good to me? Is it just a matter of writing and expressing those thoughts? I think that is what really is good to me. For so long I kept things bottled up inside. Never really expressing myself in words.
Well I have expressed myself in the past in words. But I think that was more about releasing what was bottled up inside me. Now that has run its course for the most part, it has become harder to write about myself. I think that has more to do with fear than anything else.
The fear of what other people might say about my expression. I am fearful that other people will read what I have to say and tear it down or try to do that. I will find out that I have it all wrong about myself.
I don’t know if I am saying that right or not. Another case of being critical of myself in my writing. But I am not going to waste time obsessing finding the right words to describe my fear and the consequences if that fear where to come true. That will come later when I express it more and discover what I really fear.
For now I will not worry so much about getting it done right the first time. Just do it. That with time as I revisit some topics with my writing that it will get better about expressing those topics. Get out of trying to get it right in the moment and just do in the moment.
